Archive for May, 2012

Humorous Foreign Bloopers


“Bite the wax tadpole.”
— Coca-Cola as originally translated into Chinese

“Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave.”
— ad slogan “Pepsi Comes Alive” as originally translated into Chinese

I am a jelly doughnut”
–English translation of John F. Kennedy speaking at the Berlin Wall

“We pray for MacArthur’s erection.”
–sign erected by Japanese citizens in Tokyo, when MacArthur was considering a run for President

“You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.”
–from a guest directory at a Japanese hotel, 1991

“It takes a virile man to make a chicken pregnant.”
–Perdue chicken ad, as mistranslated abroad

ANAL–Original version for Al Nippon Airlines Logo.
Tom’s note: How would you like to see that on a 747 coming at you? hahahahaha

Start Making An eBay Fortune
If you are going to take the time to start an online auction business
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Real World Talk About Merchant Accounts

Here’s the deal. When you apply for a merchant account, the merchant account company is scared to death that you are someone fraudulent. They are afraid you are going to sell fake trips to Cancun Mexico and then take off with the money which they have to refund. So, what do they do? They make you jump through hoops to get the Merchant account in the first place and then they watch your account closely in the beginning.

They are watching for the number of sales you make to be sure it looks normal. They also watch very carefully for chargebacks. If you have only a few sales and many of them are chargebacks they will probably cancel your account immediately. They will watch for unusually large sales compared to your average…..they may even withhold giving you the money until they are absolutely sure something fishy isn’t going on. . . . We’ve heard of them holding money for up to six months and there’s not much you can do about it.

We’re not trying to scare you off from getting a merchant account. We’re just trying to make sure you know what you’re up against. As soon as you get a good track record going with the merchant account i.e. lots of sales, relatively few refunds and a tiny percentage of chargebacks, then they pretty much leave you alone unless they see some weird spike in sales.

With that in mind if you do plan on doing a big promotion that will bring in way more than your average amount of sales, it’s a good idea to talk with your merchant account in advance so they don’t red flag your account and cause all your sales to be declined.

Another thing to keep in mind with regard to online sales has to do with Guarantees. People savvy with writing ad copy will tell you that the longer guarantee you have, the more sales you’ll make and we, for the most part, agree. When you’re a new merchant this concept just doesn’t fit. All merchant companies have maximum lengths they allow for guarantees. If you promote a guarantee that’s longer than what your merchant company allows, they cancel your account. They are worried you will make outrageous guarantees that you aren’t financially able to support. If you go out of business, the merchant account company has to make the refunds. THEY DON’T LIKE THAT!

To be ready to get an online merchant account you will need:

•A business checking account (merchant accounts will not deposit into personal checking accounts)
•All your account numbers handy
•An operating professional looking website/blog
•Terms of Service (You can look at other websites for samples that you or your attorney can adapt)
•Refund policy (You can look at other websites for samples that you or your attorney can adapt)
•A PCI Statement on file. (This is a new bunch of paperwork and online technology you have to have to show how you protect your customer’s personal information. Note: takes care of most of this technology for you.

The big three that you need are Visa, MasterCard and American Express. Sometimes you can throw in Discover Card as well if you feel like it. You most likely won’t lose a sale because you only take three credit cards.

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How to Write a Wedding Speech This video talks about a great resource for you to use to prepare your wedding speech. It’s perfect for the best man, the groom, the bride, the mother or father or even for friends and other relatives.

Wedding Toast Resource

Don’t wing it! You don’t want to look like a fool on video do you? When you are asked to do a wedding toast a little bit of preparation and practice will go a long way. This is great for brides, grooms, the best man, bridesmaids, mothers, fathers, uncles other relatives and friends.

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Complimentary Public Service Webinar

No Sales offer at all.

“Top 20 Seminar Scams”
(I WILL be naming some names)

Wednesday, May 2nd 8:05 PM Eastern time

You will learn:

= 21 Ways Professional Level Con People can cheat you at seminars.

= Why you should still go to seminars.

= About the Sociopath personality

= Why I’m taking a stand and why you should too.

= Where to complain

= How you can protect yourself and

= How you can help.

8:05 PM Eastern
7:05 PM Central
6:05 PM Mountain
5:05 PM Pacific

Register now.

Warning: This webinar is not for crybabies who want to forgive
and forget ongoing criminal activity. If you want to bury
your head in the sand and let con men/women take advantage of
senior citizens, disabled persons, charities and trusting
professionals from all walks of life, don’t waste your time attending.

For you scammers out there, maybe you think because I’ve been laying
low that I haven’t been working behind the scenes to take you down.

When I strike, you’ll rue the day you ever stepped on a stage with
the intent to cheat someone.

I’ll talk to you all at 8:05 TONIGHT May 2nd.

Tom Antion