Tom Antion: More Speaker Humor

=> Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I
think I’ve forgotten this before – Steven Wright

=> I like to reminisce with people I don’t know. — Steven Wright

=> Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry — Rita Rudner

=> My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a
child. We can’t decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
– Rita Rudner

=> I’m not going to vacuum ’til Sears makes one you can ride on.
– Roseanne

=> I was on a date recently, and the guy took me horseback
riding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters.
– Susie Loucks

=> I haven’t committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply
with the law.
— David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that
he failed to pay his taxes.

=> Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest
crime rates in the country.
— Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.

=> The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It’s only the people who
make them unsafe.
— Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia

=> The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.
— Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head
by a ball in the 1934 World Series

=> The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By
the second day you’re off it.
— Jackie Gleason

=> Advertising: The science of arresting the human intelligence
long enough to get money from it.
— Stephen Leacock

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Tom Antion: Custom Audio Samples

How cool would it be if your client got off the phone with you
and a short time later you sent a link to a customized audio
demo specifically for his/her group?

Well, not only is it cool — it’s doable with a very small amount
of skill.

I called Mike Stewart from and he had
me totally competent to do it myself in less than a day — and
that includes setting up the equipment.

Although I’m not really technical, I can get around the
computer pretty good so your mileage may vary when it comes to
how long it will take you, but the bottom line is that IT’S WORTH

It’s worth it for many other things too. You can put all kinds of
audio clips on your website for all your different speeches. You
can put an entire speech if you want to. You can also create
areas with your picture on it that says “Click here to hear a
special message from Tom Antion.” You can put audio testimonials
on your site.

AND you can create products without going to a recording studio
which will save you thousands and thousands of dollars.

You can use pretty basic equipment if you have to, but I bought a
portable recording package from Mike that gives me a really high
quality “studio in a box.” I can take it with me if I’m going to
be on the road and record to my laptop.

I don’t remember exactly what the package cost, but I do know it
paid for itself in the first week when I created a three-tape
audio album and also it saved me lots of money by allowing me to
put a regular call from my mentor program on the
web instead of duplicating and mailing sometimes up to 80 tapes a

You will have to be able to put files on your website. If you
can’t, Mike or your webmaster can do it for you.

If you want to hear a sample of what I was able to accomplish on
the first try visit. It’s not perfect, but it cost me nothing to

Not only is this cool, this is necessary to compete in a
marketplace that is used to sound and visuals . . . not just
written words.

Visit Mike’s site:

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Tom Antion: Say It With Flowers

A speaker friend of mine had a deal with a local flower shop.
When he had a program the next day he would buy up all the
fresh flowers that did not sell for a dirt cheap price. The
flowers were destined for the dumpster anyway so the florist
was thrilled to get anything for them. The speaker would
arrive to big fanfare throwing flowers into the crowd.
Everyone got a flower to take home and depending on the size
of the crowd, some would get a whole bouquet. He also sent
big bunches as his thank you gift to the meeting organizer.
He purposely sent so many that the organizer could not
possibly take them all home. His good will (and name) was
spread all over the company he was speaking for and the people
in the audience had a blast.

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Tom Antion: What’s In A Name?

I’ll bet you thought this article was about how to name your
business. Nah . . . There are many other people that know more
about that than I do. This article is about making sure people
hear your name.

Not a week goes by without several people contacting me and
telling me that “they see my name everywhere.” This is by design.
I’m taking specific steps to make sure that happens. Where and
how many times does your name show up?

When your name comes up constantly in front of your target
market, you start to gain celebrity status, your fees rise and
you get work much easier.

If you haven’t started a media campaign, I suggest you start
immediately. This has been an extremely effective marketing
technique for me over the past twelve years and I’m not even that
organized or consistent with my attack. If you are more
structured about your approach, you should do better than me.
Here is a list of places my name is seen or heard regularly:

Print Magazines (see above)
Internet Magazines
Email magazines
My websites
Other websites (well over 1000)
This Ezine
On my products
In other people’s products (books, ebooks, etc.)
Television (not that much because this is much more time
Mentions and referrals by other people

If you’re just starting out with media, pick one or two of the
above categories and do whatever you can to get your name
mentioned five to ten times in each one. This will introduce you
to the differences in the types of media and you’ll start to
learn which ones are most appropriate for you and how to work
them. Then go back and really try to hit a few hard to get your
name out there.

If you are an old hand at this and have just slacked off, get
back to it.

Here are some great resources to get you started:
Joan Stewart’s site
and the radio database and course by Joe Sabah

Book — “High Visibility: The Making and Marketing of
Professionals Into Celebrities” by Irving Rein

Learn more about making yourself a celebrity!

Tom Antion:Using Google Adwords

One of the smartest search engines you could ever use is the pay
per click portion of Google. This program has made me and saved
me a fortune, but there are some tricks of the trade you need to
know about.

Saving time and money

So how could a search engine save me time and money? Using Google
Adwords, I can test concepts in less than a couple hours to see
if there is interest in the marketplace for my product idea. Once
you learn how to use their system you can be driving
traffic to your website in less than an hour (sometimes when they
are busy it could be a couple hours.) If I find no interest, then
I don’t develop the product.

Get cheaper clicks than your ignorant competition

Google has brilliantly set up their pay per click system so that
if you write a better ad and more people click on it, you get
cheaper clicks.

Let’s say I write an ad and one person out of one hundred clicks
on it. That’s a one percent click through ratio (CTR).

Let’s say you write an ad and two people out of one hundred click
on it. That’s a two percent CTR.

You only pay half the price that I pay for the click, or looking
at it a different way, for the same amount of money you get twice
the number of visitors.

Google is rewarding you for writing a better ad that gets people
to click.

Get more tips on Internet Marketing training.

Tom Antion: Dummies And Mannequins

This is lots of fun and whenever I do this it always creates
pandemonium in the crowd.

I have two full size dummies left over from my old entertainment
company. They are hideously old looking male and female
characters that I used in an Over-the-Hill birthday party

I started using them in customer service presentations where I
demonstrated various acts of violence on the dummies to
what some nasty customers deserve. People in the crowd who gave
correct responses to the “proper” way to respond to nasty
customers got to come up on stage and kick, gouge, body slam,
bash the dummy with a sledge hammer or do any socially
unacceptable thing they wanted to do to the pseudo customer.

In the right situations with the right crowd, this will bring
down the house. Soon the dummies were being thrown around the
room like a teenage rave party and the place was a mad house.


You may be tempted to use one of your colleagues or spouse for
this, but please refrain and do it this way.

Buy a pair of long underwear and sew the top and bottom together
(you may have to get someone handy with a sewing machine to help
you with this). Stuff the body and arms with newspaper or for a
heavier dummy use foam padding like you would find at an Army
surplus or camping store.

Visit or get a catalog from a costume store like Morris Costume
in Charlotte, NC. Get a hideous looking rubber full head mask,
and a set of hideous monster gloves/hands. Stuff these and sew
them on the dummy.

For feet, you can use monster feet or to save a few bucks just
sew on some stuffed socks and old shoes.

Just for fun I would put the dummies in seatbelts in my car and
hook a yardstick to the chin of the dummy in the passenger seat.
This yardstick could not be seen by the driver in the car next to
me. At stop lights I would pretend to talk to the dummy and move
it’s head with the yardstick. I had to quit because I was sure I
was going to cause an accident.

If you want to freak out your neighbors, put one of the dummies
in your trunk, throw it over your shoulder and carry it into the
house at dusk. You get extra points of this if you happen to be
digging a hole in your back yard at the time.

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Tom Antion: The Centerpiece Area

Whenever you are speaking at an event where food is being
served at round tables, you can use the centerpiece area
as part of your program. I recently saw Dr. Shirley Garrett
do this at large keynote speech. She was using juggling
scarves on stage. The centerpiece of each table was draped
in these scarves. It looked great, it was inexpensive, it
related to her presentation, and it gave each attendee
something to take home to make it easier to remember her
message. This idea could also score you some points with the
meeting planner who may be able save quite a bit of money on
flowers or other ornamental centerpiece items.

In addition, this area of the table could be used as revenue
generator for you. I cover this in tape six of the “Wake em Up
Video Professional Speaking System”
You pre-sell your books or tapes to the meeting planner and
stack them attractively in the middle of the table. This gives
everyone at the table something to take home and won’t cost
much more than a fancy centerpiece that only one person at
each table gets as a door prize.

Use the middle of a roundtable to tie your message in AND make
more money.
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Tom Antion: Mental Involvement

One of the best ways to get your message to sink in is to get the
audience thinking.
This may sound elementary, but when you are up
there spewing words at the audience, they may not have time to
think. That is one reason pauses are so effective. They give the
audience a chance to catch up and apply their own thoughts and
value systems to what you are saying.

Asking questions of the audience is a great way to force them
into the think mode.
“Has anyone ever been to Cleveland?” A
simple question like this zooms an individual audience member’s
mind to Cleveland if that person has been to Cleveland. If that
person has not been to Cleveland, he or she will be tuned in
mentally to see what you have to say about Cleveland.

“Have you ever had your keys in your hand one minute and the next
minute they were gone?” This question is the Has-this-ever-
happened-to-you? variety. To corral the most audience members
with a question like this, all you have to do is use a question
that you know (from your pre-program research) will relate to
most of the audience.

Johnny Carson before he retired, Jay Leno, and David Letterman
all use questions about current news to grab their audiences
mentally. They ask “Did you read today?” or “Did you hear today
about . . .? Johnny, Jay, and Dave know that if the audience has
heard about the current event they will feel a common bond, and
if they haven’t heard about it, they will listen more carefully.

To make sure these talented and funny talk show hosts reach the
largest portion of their respective audiences, they almost always
explain or recap the news item before they make the joke. This
gives those audience members that haven’t heard about the current
event a chance to get the humor.

Excerpt from “Wake ’em Up Video Professional Speaking System”

Tom Antion: Handout Tips

=> USE A LARGE FONT. It makes more impact and is easier to read.
It also makes you handout larger which makes it appear more

=> LEAVE LOTS OF WHITE SPACE. I had a complaint recently that
said there was not enough space to write notes. I usually deliver
very high content so this was clearly a mistake on my part in not
leaving enough space for notes.

people will tear out a page or photocopy a single page of your
handout. Putting your info on every page makes sure whoever sees
any page of your handout can contact you.

keep your handout make sure each page has some important resource
that an audience member cannot do without. When you put all the
resources on one page it makes it easy for someone to tear it out
and throw the rest of your handout away.

=> USE A TEAR OFF ACTION ITEM PAGE. Make it the last page so it’s
easy to tear off at the beginning of the seminar or speech. Have
the attendees use it for those special aha’s they get. You can
then have them say some of their items aloud which reinforces the
value you are giving.

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Tom Antion: Love Humor For Speakers

Love Notes:

=> When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows
why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone
wonders why.

=> My wife told me I should be more affectionate. So I
got two girlfriends.

=> The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home
to say he’ll be late for dinner and the answering
machine says it is in the microwave.

=> Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for
marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

=> How do most men define marriage? A very expensive
way to get your laundry done.

=> Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

=> The most effective way to remember your wife’s
birthday is to forget it once.

=> Cosmetics: A woman’s way of keeping a man from
reading between the lines.

=> Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is
packing your parachute.

=> Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing your
wedding ring on the wrong finger? Bored wife: Because
I married the wrong man!

=> First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!” Second
Guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

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